! Jó angolosok! Lefordítaná valaki vagy elmondaná mi a lényege ezeknek?

(Halálesetek cikkben voltak egy angol lapom)

REPLACED BY POD PEOPLE

“Let me explain something to you. You see, you're not normal. You're a great guy, I love you, but you're a pod. I, on the other hand, am a human being. I sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable, even inhibited in certain situations with the other human beings. You wouldn't understand.” – Jerry Seinfeld

Yes, the pod people walk among us, virtually undetectable by strangers and companions alike. The best way to distinguish the presence of a pod in your community is by recognizing erratically changing behavior and a conspicuous lack of the soul’s glint in their gaze, a.k.a., “dead eyes.” Unfortunately, since the camera steals a piece of the soul with every snap, along with the fact that many celebrities sold their souls in exchange for fame years ago, almost all famous people have the so-called “dead eyes,” which leaves us with only two real recognizable attributes with which to detect the rock star pods: abrupt behavior metamorphosis typically dictated by a sudden downfall or comeback (specifically ones that defy explanation or common sense) and a seismic—and almost always risible—alteration to the style/quality of the music they produce. It’s important to remember that this does not include those that gradually rise or fall or those that return to the top briefly on repeated occasions through miracles of fair weather fads. No, no, no…the pods want us to think that nothing is amiss…even as we begin to slowly, terrifyingly realize that the rock star we thought we knew has in fact been bumped off to make way for an unstable alien replica.

Note: I’m sure most of you would assume that Michael Jackson is a prime example of this case, but I would be quick to insist that, based on sheer scale of both talent and weirdness, that dude was an extraterrestrial from day one.

Second Note: I’m sure most of you would also assume that some of these cases sprung about because of poor personal choices, particularly intimate relationships. But, uh, the parasitic hosts that killed them had to have come from somewhere — mystery solved.

(Suspected) Casualties: Billy Corgan, Chris Cornell, David Coverdale, Whitney Houston, Raine Maida, Axl Rose, Britney Spears, Lars Ulrich

Odds: ?%

Nearly impossible to accurately discern. How can we know for sure? They’re freakin’ pod people.

HIGHLANDER SYNDROME

“From the dawn of time we came, moving silently down through the centuries, living many secret lives, struggling to reach the time of the Gathering, when the few who remain will battle to the last. No one has ever known we were among you...until now.” – Sean Connery

Up to this point, these have all been about death. Bummer, man. Yet there is still an alternate fate for your favorite guitar god or pop princess—they might never die. That is because some rock stars are, quite clearly, eternal. They cannot be slain by conventional means or weaponry. Like haggard, unhinged Vietnam vets, they’ve seen some shit, man, but they keep surviving things that could put down a rampaging bull elephant. Held together by some combination of guitar string stitches, dried vomit, bong resin and cobwebs, these formidable creatures have somehow kept ticking against any and all system of biological laws. They are the Immortals. The day will come when there will be a spectacular, no-holds-barred battle royale (no doubt set to the music of Queen) and there can be only one left standing, but until then, some rock stars have proven that they simply cannot expire.

Casualties (or, really, non-casualties): Chuck Berry, David Crosby, Jerry Lee Lewis, Courtney Love, Ozzy Osbourne, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, Keith Richards, Nikki Sixx, Grace Slick, Sly Stone, Steven Tyler, Scott Weiland, Brian Wilson

Odds: 1%

Unless they’re giving a stone-faced acting performance or carrying a sword in the middle of a city, it’s extremely difficult to know for sure. I guess you could always shoot them and see if they keep on ticking. Wait, did I really just encourage that? Uh, never mind.

On second thought, I’m pretty sure that Liam Gallagher isn’t an immortal. Prove me wrong.