Van hiba az Angol fogalmazásomban?

About year ago, when on vacation, I and my best friend Mike went to the Grand Cannon to jump the depth with a parachute. It was his birthday, so the occasion was exceptional. First, I was very scared, but he told me: "You only live once!" and he was with me all the time so I felt better. When we stood at the edge of the abyss we thought it was very high and dangerous. I saw only rocks and the gap. After the inventory, I felt that I no longer felt like starting. And then I heard the command to jump. I closed my eyes and jumped. I felt it amazing. Free as a bird. After landing, I could not recover for a long time, but in a good way. I wanted to do it once again and I think everyone should try it because it's totally awesome.

Grand Canyon*

About a year ago on/during vacations, my best friend Mike and I, went to the Grand Canyon to skydive. It was his birthday, so the occasion was something very special. First I was very scared, but he told me "You only live once!" and he was with me all the time so I felt safe and relaxed. When we stood on the rim I realised how deep and dangerous it is. I saw only rocks and the "The Great Unconformity" which is also know as the "Gap" After listening to the introduction and safety instructions I felt that I shouldn't be going ahead. Then I heard the command, "jump!". I closed my eyes and did as I was told. It felt amazing. Free as a bird. After landing, I couldn't recover for a long time, but in a good way. I want to do it again and I think everyone should give it a try because it's totally awesome.

*also known. .