Van az angol történetemben hiba?

Somewhere over the rainbow, there lived Rapunzella. She was the most beautiful lady with long blond hair,

we've ever seen. Rapunzella had been cursed by the iron-nosed witch, and she had to live in a castle

as long as she's found by Mr.Right, who would save her.

But a huge dragon guarded the castle, blowing flames.

Many people tried to save her, but everyone's ass was burnt.

After 2 years, a prince drank a Redbull, and tried to kill that dangerous dragon.

The battle was long, but in the end the prince could beat out the huge monster.

Despite his ass was burnt, and was still aching, Rapunzella fell in love at first sight, she pulled down her

long hair through the window, and the prince climbed up on it to her.

They have been living together for a long while, and they are very happy with each other.

A javítás javítása: there lived után határozatlan névelő kívánkozik, nem egy konkrét tulajdonnév: there lived a girl, R.

Az eredeti vnatkozó névmások közül a which (így írva)nem jó, mert személy, tehát who. De a that is jó, nem muszáj kihagyni.

Az "as long as" ide nem jó, maradjon az until. As long as azt jelenti, amennyiben, tehát ilyen értelemben mindaddig. Feltétel, nem idő, pl You can have a party here as long as you don't break the furniture.

A beat out-ot én nem mondanám, amerikai szleng-beütés, a defeat elfogadhatóbb stílusú. Their ass was burnt down, hát én a tanár helyében ennek nem nagyon örülnék, nem iskolába illő stílus, különben sem "seggel a láng felé" harcolnak.

the huge monster teljesen jó, nem kell that, hiszen más szörnyről nem esett szó, hogy rá kelljen mutatni. A was able is teljesen jó, jobban kifejezi a harc nehézségét.

A "pulled down her hair", az lehúzta, én inkább az eredeti threw-t választanám, out of the window.

despite that...

A for ages mért ne maradhatna?

Very nice story...