Írna valaki építőkritikát a versemről?

Mi a véleményetek? Még sosem írtam semmit, egy álmon alapult.

Shadows keep rushing around you, the smoke covers everything

You are falling into the deep, you’re feeling cold and shivering

No feelings, but the power what makes you blind

With his dark fingers he tears you apart and ties you to the ground

He keeps your heart and throw it to his pet crows,

So they can play with it and keep you to the death, close

He moves your soulless body like a glass-eyed puppet

You try to scream once again, but suddenly everythings quiet…