Milyen a nyelvhelyessége és a stílusa ennek az angol fejezet részletnek?
Relic hunter
Daniel Devitt didn’t want to raise any unwanted suspicion, but he had to realize, that if he covers his face with a hood, people just look at him more strangely. Unwanted eyes from unknown men and women looked at his direction, as he walked towards the street normally, as any other human would, yet something kept everyone attention around him. Daniel acted casual even thought his heart was racing, fortunately it had nothing to do with the villagers, he got used to it, it was because today was a good day.
The mysterious man, had a ruffled blonde hair, his face was clean-cut with one brown, one unnaturally shinning blue eye, but they were all covered in darkness, only his mouth was shown. On his back wore a black cape, where he hid his right hand, in it the treasure he found.
Usually he wears gloves so people wouldn’t notice how the flesh and blood arm ends in cold steel and circuits, nonetheless he felt like it was useful to tell people that his robot palm and fingers are the only part of his body, that can hold a power such magnitude. Normally you wouldn’t even notice, that it is a unique object, it is just glowing ball after all, but some things are always hidden from us.
It was a busy day on the market, anywhere he glimpsed saw dirty white tents, with shops in front of it. Some people sold barrels of ale, cooked their meal over the fire, or just sited behind a table full of new, unseen goods.
Noisy vendors and customers kept yelling at each other. Someone who wasn’t around here, kept offering him the latest camel chop, as he passed by. In this desert of wasteland, it was the only meat you could find, so even if he was hungry, it wasn’t a sweet deal.
Daniel reached a tumble-down cottage, that needed some new paint, and door, and everything. He knocked on the doornail three times, and a very cheerful “come in” greeted him.
As he walked in he saw a big, muscular, scary individual, who had the most irresistible and innocent smile. He showed Daniel yet again his teeth, and even got pat on the back from him. Daniel acted like, that little contact didn’t mean much for him, however this time Daniel smirked a little.
“I see you had a good day” Acted a little surprised, his wrinkles clenched on his naked forehead.
“You could say that.” Answered Daniel as he put his cape on a chair in front of him, and put the tressure in his backpack.
Rosswell’s home wasn’t beatifull from the inside either. The windows were shutdown with stained dark curtains, that kept the light from getting in. There weren’t many furnitures, just a pot where he cook his meal, three old armchairs, a table, and a framed picture were there were nothing to look at, just somebody splashed paint on it.
Rosswell, who had been a father to him, went to the kitchen to get something to drink, while Daniel looked around and witnessed little robotic body parts everywhere. On a table in front of him he noticed a glowing energy source that was similar to the one that his heart was replaced. Was this something that made him special or less? He heard Rosswell’s voice from the kitchen.
”You still don’t know how incognito works, do you? If they can see that you hide something, people just become more curious.”
”That was pretty much the only thing I could do.” Told him honestly Daniel, as he kept wondering, about his gifts as Rosswell called it. ”Now we are in arcanum territory, in here they don’t see eye to eye, with the gods’s presents.” His eyes stopped at his new hand.
”Your attention to details is remarkable.” He teased Daniel as he put two full glass of the latest alcoholic drink on the table, from their surface white steam was coming out to the roof. Daniel never knew what was in it, but after the first sup his body became relaxed and felt more calm.
Daniel put two chairs in front of each other and thanked the warm welcoming.
”But they know you are harmless” Rosswell continued with his lecture about ain’t life so bad ”I told them about you a couple of weeks ago. Lets just say you are special to them, just give them some time to process it. ”
”Sure” Agreed Daniel not so happily as Rosswell. ”However I don’t like to explain to everyone I come across, what I am.” Daniel watched his reflection on the glass. His face was covered with pulsating blue lines, where the cables where attached.
”You mean who you are” Daniel finally returned Rosswell’s eye contact, from his warm brown eyes, he yet again felt something, that was much sweeter than the alcohol. Daniel didn’t speak anymore, just kept drinking silently. Roswell was waiting patiently, to find out what was on his little boy’s mind. Daniel kept tapping on the table.
”Couldn’t you have lived with yourself, if you just left me for dead?” Tested him, Daniel” At least I would have gone as a human.”
“You don’t fear death, that is impressive, even thought you never went beyond.”
“I was.”
“Yeah, and the first sentence that came out your mouth, that you don’t remember anything. “
Daniel hushed and filled his cup, with another round.
“So your arm is working fine?” Asked Rosswell as Daniel poured with his right arm.
“We are doing fine, isn’t that right?”
Daniel hand reacted on its own, squeezed the cup and it fell into pieces.
“I think that was yes.”
Ebben, bocs, nagyon sok apró hiba van.
Szereztél amúgy egy vesszőgéppuskát?
Ahová meg kellett volna, oda nem raktál.
Az angol párbeszéd helyesen idézőjel, szöveg, VESSZŐ, idézőjel, majd utána a dialogue tag kisbetűvel. Már amennyiben kijelentő a beszélt mondat.
"I like chocolate," she said.
Pontot kitenni meg akkor kell, ha a párbeszéd utáni mondat külön egység.
"I like chocolate." She took a bite. "White chocolate is nasty, though."
De ne akadjunk le a vesszőknél, nézd át helyesírásellenőrzővel, akkor kijönnek az olyanok, mint a beatifull. Azt nem tudom, a sited-et kifogásolja-e, de ugye olyan sem nagyon van (viszont a sup-ot én nem ismertem, azt hittem, a sip-et gépelted el). Aztán vannak ezek a mittudoménminek nevezhető, mert nyelvtannak csak félig dolgok, mint:
the one that his heart was replaced - ide kéne egy with a végére
who wasn’t around here - gondolom, azt akarnád jelentetni, hogy nem környékbeli
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